Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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