Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
