I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
