No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
