I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
