started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
