My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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