It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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