I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
