Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
