No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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