Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
