and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
