You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
