so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
