best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
