go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
