So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
