I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
