i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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