thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
