When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
