I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
