Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
