Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
