Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
