he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
