I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
