yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
