Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
smell my finger.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
