she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
