Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
