so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
