wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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