The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
