Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
