I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
