you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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