I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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