You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
