Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
