After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
