I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
