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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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