remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
