Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
