Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
