Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
