do herpes really smell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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