I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
