I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
